Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Through... The Door.

I got in "The Door"

As news that Cal would make a final appearance in Memphis before making camp in Fort Knox until the attention and death threats die down, I decided I'd quench my thirst for answers first hand at the Press Conference scheduled for 12 noon in the Athletic Building. The Police blocking the street we're a bit of a give away that security would be tight, but nevertheless, I ventured on. As some of you know I am no stranger to the cuffs. After making my way past one road block I got to the parking lot and made my way for the front door. I called the Athletic office and learned that the press conference was closed to the public, and a press pass is required for entry... Silly rabbit, rules are for kids. I gained my entry through the side door, know to some simply as "The Door". There I told the Police officer guarding said door that I was a student worker from the Admissions Office and I was here to pick up baseball tickets. He took the bait. Hindsight being 20/20 I should have hid in the bathroom or stairs until about 11:50 when the festivities began, but alas I was found out. A person I can only describe as a very intimidating University of Memphis Bouncer asked me for my credentials and as the sweat poured I stuttered my story out again. He didn't buy it. Before being escorted out by U of M 5-0 I heard an announcement around 11:20 that Cal would NOT be attending the Press Conference because of travel plans. Immediately camera equipment starting flying, RC went into hair/makeup, and speeches started being written. Some reporters left after hearing that Cal planned to hold his own press conference upon arrival in Memphis, at his home, the Mini-Pink-Palace. In review, I was told to leave the campus and escorted out "The Door" and received the boot. A flawed but valiant effort to get the scoop for the Tomb of what Cal hath bestowed upon us... Doom.

In further news Cal is reportedly spending his entire 2 million dollar signing bonus to cover security from the local chapter of The Bloods Street Gang, in leu of relying on the great Memphis Police Department to get him to his house for his personal press conference. After arrival it is up in the air whether or not we, the public, can pay off the Bloods to do a drive-by on the Cal Castle before the Benedict Arnold disciple can try and say his goodbyes. I'll offer up my Hamilton to hire a hit on him. Do your part as a Tiger Fan to make sure this happens.

-Thanks to JHob for having more balls than Calipari to actually show up at a Memphis press conference. Also, thanks for the details. Hilarious.


Anonymous said...

The Tomb of Doom has penetrated "The Door"... you guys rule.

DG said...

Yea, we're still waiting on that press pass...must've gotten lost in the mail or something.

TOD said...

Especially since half the guys here are married... It's been awhile since they've penetrated anything. Zing!

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