Monday, April 6, 2009

Josh 'Pert Plus' Pastner

Holla 'atcha boy! We have found us a coach!

Hot dang! ...Now, who is he?

Well for starters, he is Josh PASTNER, not Pasner as some news outlets and internet sites had. He is 31 years of age and was previously an assistant coach for the Tigers under John "Bluegrass" Calipari. Prior to his arrival at Memphis, he spent six years as an assistant coach under the legendary Lute Olsen at the University of Arizona, where he also played. Yeah, that's tenure under a pretty dang good ball coach and a pretty dang good used car salesman and hair stylist. He is a prolific recruiter; handling the majority of the recruiting duties at UofA and UofM and recently being named as the 7th ranked "high-major recruiter" in the country.

The only knock on Pastner, he has no head coaching experience at the college level. It's all good tho, according to, Pastner was the head coach of the "nationally-famous" Houston Hoops AAU program... AT THE AGE OF 16! And guess who played for him... Emeka Okafor. THIS GUY COACHED EMEKA OKAFOR AT AGE 16! He is a excellent big man coach, having coached Luke Walton and Channing Frye at Arizona. Just imagine what he could have done with Joey Dorsey! And maybe, just maybe, he can talk Tag into staying. And maybe, just maybe, just maybe, current former-recruit DeMarcus Cousins will recognize his talent as a big man instructor and remain committed to Memphis. And maybe he can keep some of our assistant coaches here as well. Pastner is also expected to approach Carl Henry, father of current Tiger CJ and former Tiger signee Xavier, to serve on his staff. All of this would certainly leave the the "Big Blue" with some big ol' blue balls.

Let us now speak of retention. Pastner loves Arizona. He is quoted in the same article as saying "I would love to come back here one day, but even if it's not coming back here in basketball terms, coming back here in the community. Tucson is my home." We could be setting ourselves up for another city-wide depression in 10 years. Pastner has no ties in Memphis. He was an assistant coach for one year. He is young, and a great recruiter. 'Zona could come calling once Miller leaves or fails. So, the Tomb of Doom Institute of Coach Retention has developed a blueprint for University of Memphis Athletic misDirector R.C. Johnson when negotiating Pastner's new deal. First, short-term deal. I know this seems counter-intuitive for retention, but let me explain: we sign him for 3 years, long enough to see whether or not he has what it takes. If he does, we give him a long-term extension before the third year even starts so RC's mom doesn't have to take him down to the Media Circus again. Secondly, with no head coaching experience, we should be able to get a bargain contract, somewhere in the range of $600,000. This would not be too much severance to pay if he ends up sucking. Thirdly, can we please please please get a realistic buyout clause in this contract? Few people know this, but Cal's buyout was only $200,000. He could have made that selling T-shirts of The Door on the corner of Southern and Normal. I want a buyout that will allow the city to throw a condolence party if he ever leaves... somewhere in the $4 million range. And we don't need to wait to put it in the long-term deal either, you put that junt in right now, RC.

I think this one will work Tiger fans.

-The Pistolier


JHob said...

I think it's time to change Sad Tiger to Optimistically Hopefully Tiger. And amen on the buy-out clause. When I heard it was only 200k I hit the roof. UK would have given us (Memphis) a blank check to get Cal and now we don't even get enough for a Rolls Royce Phantom?! C'mon. Being under Olsen Pastner should have a good play book, and being under Cal he should be able to wheel and deal enough to get a team together.

B-Will said...

Thought this is interesting...Check out the Arizona NC roster.

blakebutler63 said...

I don't agree with the short term contract for a few reasons:

1. It sends a message to potential recruits and current players about the university's faith in the coach. Why not just give him an interim title if we're going to do that? Plus, as a young, rookie head coach, if he doesn't have the backing of his university, who will back him?

2. If we are unsure about him, why would we hire him in the first place?

3. You always want to have a college head coach under contract for at least 4 years. That conveys the message to the recruits that the university's current plans include their future coach. That's why you always see at least one-year extensions every year.

Other than that, I am excited to see what Pastner does.

Pistolier said...

3 years or 4 years... whatever. That was not meant to suggest an actual specific length of time but rather to convey my opinion that Pastner should not be signed to a 7-10yr deal right out of the box for his first coaching job. But def. not more than 4 years on his initial contract. And those contracts can be extended at any time if both parties agree. The University of Memphis needs to look out for #1 this time around (ie. Cal's micro buyout) so, even though most everybody is excited about Josh and believes he will do great, we must have a contingency in place in case he does not. Such a plan would include provisions such that we would not owe him multiple millions of dollars if this does not work out. That was the entire point of the short-term contract idea.

Grant said...

then type that in the first place, Pistolier.....geez.

Anonymous said...

I don't think you have to worry about Pastner bolting to UA for the HC gig. Sean Miller has said explicitly that he wants to retire in Tucson, along with his wife, and his kids love it in the sun. I think Pastner will end up HC at Arizona, but it will probably be 20 years down the line.

You'll be successful. Pastner is very close to WWW (Worldwide Wes) as well.

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