Tuesday, May 19, 2009

No News is Bad News

The off season is a good thing. Wait! No really! It gives us time to show more attention to our wives and build up brownie points by watching the Bachelorette with her until the season starts back up and you return Tiger basketball to its rightful place in your heart, first. The downside to the off season is the lack of news. This is especially bad for a blog that prides itself on giving you the latest news in the most entertaining way.
Rejoice. I have a solution.

There is a very successful website that operates in the business of "fake news." I personally only read this blog and memphissport.net (as should you) so I don't know the name of it but I hear good things. So today let the ridiculous stories commence.

Big man, Pierre Henderson-Niles, has legally changed his last name.....again. He will now be known as Pierre Henderson-Niles-Douglas-Roberts. When asked why the change Pierre said "Someone told me everyone knew why I was changing my name in the first place and so I figured I would just be more direct with my message."
Coach Pastner had this to say, "no slippage." While Angel Garcia was quoted as saying "uaghhadfklhasdkjhflkasdfh Pashner asdlkhflkajdfklhfjklsadkhdf Pier adlkhadlfhdl basketball."
While the name change might cause an issue with some fans who will keep forgetting the additional names when referring to the man-beast that is Pierre Henderson-Niles-Douglas-Roberts; the real problem has been in finding enough material to extend his jersey for the name change.
Here is an artists' rendering of what the jersey might look like:

We wish Pierre Henderson-Niles-Douglas-Roberts.....wait....this just in, He just added "-Dorsey" to his name. We will keep you posted on any more name changes.
Good luck, PHNDRD.

Josh Pastner has been a hit with the Memphis fans.
Especially with the
ladies. Partially because of his
ability to be so effective in recruiting and his
commitment to the dribble drive offense.
But the ladies
also love his hair. They have called his handsome locks
"sexy" "stylish" "fun and gay"(the old english version
of "gay") Pastner says thanks and as a way to give back
he his shaving his head and donating his hair to
Locks of Love to be made into a toupee for babies that
lack confidence. See the video here. We have a man on
the inside of the athletic office and he passed along Coach
Pastner's new Memphis staff picture.
Before and After:
Angel Garcia said about the Coach's decision,"hur fhisdkln nafsdkhn lksdfj Pashner."
However when Coach Cal was asked what he thought
of Coach Pastner's charitable gesture
he said "What a D-bag" and then hurled a baby over the
If you hear of anymore crazy news please let us know about it in the comments section. Now sound off.


Anonymous said...

hahaha. Angel's speech is accurate.

Angel Garcia said...

Ahh scghn Frophlif hophfin kill you, Tomb of Doom.

Grant said...

Angel, always a pleasure to have you in the Tomb.

Anonymous said...

Very funny stuff! Just found out it wa pierre henderson-niles-douglas-roberts-dorsey-rose-evans-dozier-anderson-meack-sallie-witherspoon-garcia-coleman

Anonymous said...


Jake Bishop said...

If Pierre was spelling it, you had it right the first time, Anonymous. Have you seen one of his facebook updates? Hilarious.

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Premature Ejaculation said...

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